I grew up thinking that Pretty Girl Privilege was a real thing. As an adolescent, I wasn’t exactly what one would consider prom queen material. Severe acne, a subpar wardrobe, above average body fat, and badly damaged, relaxed hair made me an easy target for the taunts and teases of my peers.
I figured if I was prettier, life would be so much easier. Naively, I assumed I would have more friends, people would be nicer to me, and I would finally get a boyfriend who would love me. Like many other women, I began to associate outward beauty with happiness and love.
Subsequently, the older I got and the more I transitioned out of the ‘ugly duckling phase’ into my unique beauty, the more I realized this was not true. This stark realization was especially highlighted one day at work. I was so overwhelmed with the chaos of college, dating, and family issues that I had a mental breakdown inside my job’s bathroom stall. After sobbing for several minutes, I eventually had to wipe my tears and put on my best smile as I prepared to go back on the floor to finish my shift. A few moments later, a woman customer walked in and complimented me on how beautiful she thought I was. She went on to say how she thought I was perfect and wished she could be me and have my life.
It was at that moment that I realized how naive it was to think that physical beauty is a crucial factor for happiness. It was at the moment that I realized Pretty Girl Privilege was an Illusion. Here I was, experiencing one of the worst seasons of my life, yet this woman assumed my life was perfect and beautiful just because my external appearance was.
This is not to undermine the value of beauty. The evidence that even God, our creator, values beauty is all around us. From the beautiful skies creatively repainted daily, to the uniqueness and diversity that exist within the human race, it’s safe to say that He puts intentional thought into appearances. It’s no surprise that we tend to as well. Further, I think God created all women with an innate ability to not just embody beauty but to also create and cherish it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be beautiful and wanting to wear great clothes and makeup. The issue lies when we overemphasize the importance and role that beauty plays in our lives.
Society often tries to reduce women down to their looks but our beauty was never meant to define us, or our worth. Miss Washington USA 2014, Allyson Rowe, once remarked, “Beauty is a gift, not an identity”. This is an important truth to understand because as women, we all have way more to offer the world than a pretty face and a nice body.
This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy the beauty you’ve been blessed with. As Allyson mentioned, beauty is a gift. As with all of our gifts, we are free to enjoy beauty as long as we are stewarding it well. Sometimes your uniqueness or beauty will be the thing that helps you get your foot in the door for an opportunity, or it will be the thing that initially captivates someone’s attention. Despite any opportunities it affords, beauty will never be the ultimate key to a fulfilled life.
There are those who fall on one side of an extreme and try to shame a woman for flaunting her beauty in the name of being humble, modest, or holy. Then, there is the other side of that extreme which tells a woman that her beauty is her best asset and she should exploit it as much as she can. I believe there is a balance to be found. We shouldn’t shy away from celebrating and honoring the beauty that God has given each of us but we shouldn’t exploit it either. If we allow it to, beauty can feel vain or pointless. However, if we are intentional, beauty can be a gift used as a vehicle to spread love, light, and positivity into the world.
Once you get your foot in the door, or once you have captivated someone’s attention what you do next is what’s most important. Will you bring value to people’s life with your wisdom, or bring a smile to their face with your humor? Will you brighten up their day with your gentle, uplifting words, or challenge them to expand their mind with your intellect? Other than being something nice to look at, what else are you aiming to bring to the table? How are you hoping to use your Pretty Girl Privilege will add value to others? I pray you will always value the importance of cultivating and cherishing the type of beauty that is more than skin deep; the type that is everlasting, impactful, and inspiring.
If only beauty could heal
Oh, if she could bring joy.
if only she could wipe away tears,
And bring with her a fresh wind of hope.
But I found her to be useless,
An engine without fuel.
She’ll protect you from nothing
Offer no comfort through the pain.
A deteriorating trophy,
prized with no toil.
she’s not yours forever,
enjoy her while you can.
love her, but nay neglect kindness,
Wisdom, & virtue. Because they,
they will stick to you like kin.
Till death do you part,
They will forever remain friends.
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