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How Are You Really Doing Today?: It's Okay to Not Be Okay

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BY KARA BRISHAE

Reflect on the recent times when someone asked you, “How are you?” How did you respond? The most general answer probably follows some variation of “I’m good” or “I’m fine.” Typically, we respond to this question without even thinking about it. We have become unconsciously programmed to not address how we are honestly doing. The truth is, many times we are doing anything but fine or good.  

Life can be difficult. Setbacks, losses, unforeseen circumstances, the list goes on. Throughout these difficulties, why do we tend to mask how we truly feel? Why do we feel the need to be strong all the time? Sometimes it’s because we want to seem as if we have everything under control. We don’t want to admit to ourselves and to others that things are just not going well. 

Personally, I have a hard time acknowledging my feelings because I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I don’t want to confess the inconveniences in my life because I’m so thankful for everything I do have that it feels ungrateful to do so. How can I be sad or frustrated when I have so much to be grateful for, right? I’ve come to realize that allowing myself to not be okay does not negate my thankfulness. I’m simply expressing how I feel at a given moment. I shouldn’t have to pretend every day is full of sunshine and rainbows when I’m going through a storm. I’m human. I’m allowed to cry if I’m hurting. I’m allowed to break down when I’m tired. It’s natural. It’s healthy. It’s okay to not be okay.

Many of us often put up a front or wear a brave face because we don’t want others to see us “break.” However, we should not hide how we truly feel inside. We should practice being transparent as much as we can. You owe it to yourself to let loose, to put down your walls, and to lay down your burdens for a while. Transparency can help accomplish this.

Practice transparency with others. Talking to a friend or family member about how you’re doing can be such a blessing in your life. Even strangers sometimes have the wisest advice and encouragement. When we vulnerably share what we’re experiencing, it gives space for other people to relate to how we feel or even help us get through certain challenges. I know that after I talk to a friend about how I’m truly doing, I feel a lot better afterwards. Talking about your feelings helps release pent-up emotions and can help connect you with others. 

Practice transparency with yourself.  When we look into a mirror, stare into our own eyes, and quietly chant “everything is okay” even while tears are streaming down our faces, we aren’t being honest with ourselves. We ignore our hurt and pain, which allows it to fester and grow into something much bigger. When we stop ourselves from crying, from feeling, we keep ourselves from being able to accept and face what we’re going through. Being honest about how we feel gives space for us to begin to heal.

  • It’s okay to be vulnerable and show emotions. You are not a robot, you’re a human being. What you’re going through may only be for a season, but those emotions are how you get through it. They are a part of your journey of overcoming. Cry then wipe away your tears. Be upset, then get up and see if there are any steps you can take to resolve the situation. 

  • It’s okay to not have it all together. Honestly, how could you? Life is unpredictable to say the least. The more you try and suppress your feelings, the worse you will feel. The days will get better, don’t force yourself to hide from your truth every single time. 

Some days are just not good and that’s okay. Not every day is a fairytale. We don’t live like a Disney princess where the sun shines all day, birds sing, and flowers blossom in seconds. We live in a real world. However, I do hope and pray that you have more good days than bad ones. I hope that you experience much sunnier days than storms.

The next time someone asks you, “How are you?” Give them an honest answer. If you’re honestly “good” then that’s amazing! But if you’re not, try saying how you really feel. It’s okay, I promise.  

 

Kara Brishae Knowles
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