Regardless of what your story of pain looks like, you do not have to stay there forever. You can be healed and made whole again. You can learn to love and trust again without feeling stuck in a fear of rejection, betrayal, or disappointment.
There’s a saying that everything heals in time. That is not entirely true. Certain things require you to intentionally deal with before they can be healed. For example, if you catch a common cold, you can weather it for a few days and eventually heal. If you catch a more serious bacterial infection however, you will need to seek treatment to find healing. The longer you let it linger without treating it, the more damage it does.
Similarly, it’s important not to wait around in pain hoping one day to miraculously feel better. Aggressively pursue your healing. It will be a long, hard journey but it leads to a beautiful destination.
First, ask for God’s help. To walk in the fullness of your healing you will need to involve the creator of your soul who understands your pain. Be honest with him about where you are and the areas you need help in.
In order to do this, you may need to also forgive God. It’s normal to feel like it is God’s fault for letting all those horrible, unfair things happen to you. Regardless, God still loves you and he did not orchestrate those things. He always plans the best for you. We can trust that no matter what we’ve been through or what has happened to us, God is helping us through it and is there to redeem us.
Speaking of forgiveness, you may need to forgive those who hurt you and forgive yourself for any shame or guilt you may feel.
Further, find someone you can be accountable to. This may be a friend, a significant other, a counselor, or a pastor. Negative emotions are like toxins in our bodies and sometimes the best way to get them out is by confessing them out loud. Find someone who you feel comfortable disclosing things to, sometimes a professional counselor is exactly what we need. You can decide the pace and it’s okay if you are not able to spill everything all at once. It’s important that who you choose to share with is trustworthy and it’s okay if time is needed for trust to build.
Inviting people in this process can be great so you can have those who can celebrate your wins with you and encourage you when things are painful on the journey. They may also be able to help pray with you and see some areas of your life, or character that may be in your blind spot.
Equally important is the need to be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Healing may require you to call someone you hate to tell them you forgive them. It might ask you to unbury things you tried to stuff deep down and revisit some scenarios you tried so hard to forget. You’ll have to look deep within yourself and see what is the root of many of your behaviors and mindsets. None of this will be comfortable. Don’t fight it, do it anyways.
This healing journey will require vulnerability, accountability, discomfort, and patience. You’ll reach certain points where it may all seem overwhelming and the temptation to stay stagnant may come. Do not allow that to happen. Stay the course. Your wholeness is worth the journey, and you are never alone.
Remember, not all ideas have to be completely new. King Solomon, one of the wisest men to ever live, stated “there is nothing new under the sun.” This revelation of the world should not be a hindrance to your goals, but sustenance to your imagination. The self-made woman looks at the world from new angles and perspectives each day; she takes old concepts and puts a fresh new twist on them that can benefit society in new ways. In order to be self-made, always stay inspired and be resourceful. You must think outside of the box, the triangle, or whatever shape your mind may feel enclosed inside.
WELCOME FAILURE AND PERSEVERE THROUGH SETBACKS
As cliché as the saying goes, don’t give up. Setbacks are expected, failures are unavoidable, but how we respond to them determines our ultimate success. In many instances, failures are beneficial in revealing paths we should travel on and can be God’s way of directing us towards a more profitable or safe direction. If the fear of failure is prevalent in your life, then it will be difficult for you to take chances. The self-made woman perseveres through fear and obstacles to reach her goals. There are times when failure hurts, but there is nothing like the joy of overcoming it.
If your goal is to reach the stars, do not stop until you’re able to rearrange the Big Dipper with your bare hands or sit on the moon. Keep going. Self-made means that you’re counting on yourself. You’re the most valuable player on your team so you must persevere.
BE UNAPOLOGETICALLY YOU
Your “why” will always be tested. People will always question your reasons and your visions, but do not be discouraged by these attempts to distort your ambitions. You’re not crazy and neither are your dreams. A self-made woman will remain firm in her decisions and beliefs. She alone knows the potential of her brand or business and won’t allow for others to discredit it. Always be unapologetically yourself.
Is there anything right now that’s stopping you from starting a brand or business, switching careers, or going back to school for that degree? For example, I often hear people say something along the lines of “I’m 26-years-old, and if I start now, it’s going to take four years, and I’ll be 30 years-old by then.”Well, you will be 30-years-old in four years at any rate, so why not be 30-years-old with a brand, business, or new degree to start your career? The self-made woman goes and gets what she wants, unapologetically.
Whether you’re coming from an underprivileged, middle class, or wealthy background, you can become self-made. You can convert nothing into something or you can take the resources you have and build an empire. As women, success may be harder to obtain in society, but the success of your dreams is absolutely worth the fight.
My unpopular opinion is whether Miss Jenner is a millionaire or billionaire, she is still self-made. She was not handed her multi-millionaire business, she created something that garnered unimaginable success. If it’s so easy, then why aren’t all the other kids who are birthed into wealth, billionaires as well?
I want to hear your thoughts. Do you consider Kylie Jenner to be self-made or not? Does the journey to becoming self-made have to start with a struggle? Let me know what you think in the comments below!
- Kerel Pinder: When Heartbreak Leads to Purpose - October 21, 2020
- Shame to Body Shaming - October 12, 2020
- We Can All Be Self-Made Women - September 28, 2020
