There are a multitude of pressures in womanhood that we might wish we could sign away, never to see or experience in our lifetime, but unfortunately, those pressures comes with the territory. That of motherhood is definitely at the top of that list for me. We have allowed society to place our worth and significance as women into our ability to bear and care for a child. We see this in our families and social circles where the question “When are you going to have kids?” is persistently asked once you reach the ripe age of 30 or once you get married. The question by itself is not the issue it’s the judgment and shame attached to it. Many make it seem as though the idea of a woman not wanting or having kids is the greatest sin she could commit against herself, and that her sole purpose in life is to breed offsprings and continue her lineage. This creates the notion that a woman does not belong to herself once she is born into this world. This idea is perpetuated as early as childhood with the toys we were given and the stereotypes that were fed to us. While some toys planted the idea that our male counterparts could dare to dream big with their superhero and astronaut figurines, girls were encouraged to practice the skill of cooking and taking care of a baby with dollhouses and life sized babies equipped with diapers and a fake bottle.
This pressure to be fully entrenched in motherhood is the reason why many women find themselves grappling with a loss of identity. We’ve become so invested in being a mother or being a wife that we’ve lost sight of who we are separate from those roles. Personally, I believe the true essence of motherhood has been distorted and tainted because of external pressure to be a mother or fit into the box of a “perfect mother”. Motherhood is not every woman’s calling. For the women who find themselves being pulled towards this role, true motherhood can reveal your identity to you. Instead of drowning in everything you are not, you should come to a greater realization of who you are.
In my short, non-bearing, 22 years of life, I’ve had to reimagine ways of being and showing up in the world. I used to completely reject the idea of marriage and motherhood because the women around me who represented these roles seemed stuck. The thought of being stuck as someone’s wife or mother and no longer belonging to myself or being seen as a separate individual scared me.
I’ve recently come to the conclusion that I do not have to accept the stories and perspectives of others as my own. I realized that the representations of motherhood around me is not all that it can or should be and that I don’t have to be stuck. Being a mother is something I feel called to but I refuse to settle into a role that diminishes who I am. I’d rather redefine the role to fit who I am or who I want to become.
So, what does motherhood mean to me? Motherhood is the physical manifestation of unconditional love. It is the opportunity to directly influence the fate of the world through the actions of the next generation. It is not limited to the ability to bear a child, it is shown through the ability to raise a child, blood relation or not. It promotes a feeling of empowerment and catapults you into a purpose-driven life. Motherhood does not constrict or bound. It expands and shines a light on the goodness that is so often shrouded by the evil in this world. It gives hope that what may seem like the end is actually just the beginning. Motherhood strengthens you, gives you joy, and reminds you of the impact that you are able to make. It is nothing short of a miracle.
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